What to do When You’re Feeling Depressed
A Note to the Reader:
You are always truly alone and you are never truly alone, simultaneously. Find solace in whichever fact brings you comfort. We must work diligently to ensure that we are joyful, content, and sure of the person that inhabits our body. This includes taking care of ourselves, mentally, physically, and spiritually, to the best of our ability. Sometimes ‘the best of our ability’ means simply surviving because we know that our outlook on life will eventually improve, it can also mean thriving with multistep routines and putting the highest quality food, drink, social interactions and idea consumption into our physical vessels. Either way, you are worth it. You are worth every attempt at improvement and contentment. You are worth the time, space, and effort it may take to feel good. You deserve good things! It may not feel like it now, it may have not felt like it for a very long time, but time has the ability to heal every wound or at least make it not hurt so much. So hold on. Keep fighting. Believe in yourself. You can and will evolve throughout life. You deserve to laugh so hard your belly hurts. You deserve to dance around your kitchen because this life is fun. You deserve to feel comfortable in and proud of your body- it does a whole LOT for you! I support you and I am sending you my love. I know how gnarly the darkest pits can feel and I also know how blissful this mere existence is. You got this, my friend.
This article is not written to replace professional help. Within my life I have worked with four different therapists each of whom provided me with support, resources, and ways to cope with my depression. I have also tried medications when I’ve needed those supports. Mental health is incredibly stigmatized and I myself have experienced great shame in admitting that I struggle with depression. (I like that phrase “struggle with”. I don’t just have depression, I don’t carry it around and I’ve never really accepted it. I fight it off. I struggle with it daily. Sometimes all I have to do is nudge it away and sometimes I fight like hell with teeth, nails, and roars.) I have experienced depression since about 7 or 8 years old. It's always accompanied me. As I grow in age and maturity our relationship shifts. Currently I’m reaching the realization that acceptance of my mental illness could be beneficial to me and could better position me to keep it at bay. Either way, if you are depressed, seek professional help. This article simply outlines some things that I employ to help me push through the muck and keep my head above water when things feel bleak.
Things You Can Do When You’re Feeling Depressed or Anxious
All of the suggestions you will find in this article are action-based. I have found that when I am in the thralls of my depression my greatest desire is to be still, stagnant, unmoving, and unchanging. Anytime I succumb to that desire it always makes me feel worse. Depression is exhausting. It sucks you dry. It removes your vitality and replaces it with negativity. Fight the urge to go to sleep, fight the urge to ignore all responsibilities, fight the urge to succumb. Choose one or two of these things and then if you still want to lay down, awesome. But you will be able to do so feeling proud of yourself for making some effort and moving your body and spirit in a positive direction rather than sinking further down.
Shower
Make it hot or make it cold. Make it long or make it short. Use some cutesy bath products or simply let the water do the work. Wash your hair, wash your body, wash your brain (hypothetically, of course). This simple self care act works wonders.
Get to the Root
Get to the root of what’s going on. If you’re a journaling type of person, write it out. Write how you are feeling, what is causing you stress, and what you are thinking. If journaling is not your thing you could try talking to someone you trust and respect. If neither of those things appeal to you, you could simply sit with yourself for a few moments and ask yourself, “What is going on?”. Sometimes the answer will be the simple fact that depression has crept in and settled down, however more often than not you will come to realize that something is causing your stress/ anxiety/ sadness/ general negativity. When you’ve identified that thing you can begin to work towards a solution.
For example, I found myself ruminating in my bed at around 11:30 pm. I had done the bare minimum for my children, fought with my husband, and once everyone was asleep I was left to quarrel with myself. As I was laying there I found my thoughts returning to the state of my home time and time again. The dishes were left dirty in the sink, the house was in disarray, I had not followed any of my routines that evening. After a few more minutes of ruminating and feeling absolutely horrible about myself, a little thought entered my brain, “Get up and go do something about it”. That’s precisely what I did. I got up at 11:45 pm and washed the dishes. Then I wiped down the counters, made lunch for my daughter, and finally collapsed on the couch at around 12:20 am ready to wake up at 5 am and do it all again. Did I get enough sleep that night? No. Was I able to fall asleep because I had quieted my crippling anxiety and negative self-talk? Yes, yes I was.
Hydrate Yourself
We, as a people, are chronically dehydrated. Make a glass/ water bottle of water or electrolytes, sit down, and drink until it's gone. When I notice that I am dehydrated I find it helpful to fill my water bottle, sit down on the couch/ at my desk with my water, and allow myself to scroll through social media or watch a Youtube video only as long as I am drinking my water. Once my water bottle is empty, I am done. For whatever reason distracting my mind for a moment makes the drinking process easier.
Eat Something Healthy
Our bodies need certain vitamins and nutrients to function properly. When we are lacking in those elements it can greatly affect our physical and mental health. Excess sugar can also affect our state of being as it affects the brain as a drug. When you are feeling down it can be so helpful to go eat some colors. Make a salad or roast some veggies. You could even order some healthy food from a restaurant so you don’t have to put forth any effort. Either way your body and mind will appreciate it. Nobody ever regretted making healthy choices for themselves. You just have to push through the resistance in order to make yourself feel okay again.
Move Your Body
Go for a short walk. Set a timer for three minutes and stretch until your timer goes off. Weather permitting, step outside of your house and feel some nature on your skin. You do not need to do a hard or sweaty workout to start feeling better. This is simply a way to reset your brain and body to show yourself that you are willing to show up for yourself and you are worthy of feeling better.
Clean Something
If there is a specific space within your environment that is adding to your stress, tackle that first. You will know your triggers better than anyone else. For me, having dirty dishes in the kitchen and cluttered countertops are a huge trigger. For others it may be toys around the house, laundry on the floor, unmade beds, etc. Whatever your stressor is, get up and fix it. I have found it incredibly helpful to have dedicated bins for my husband and the girls. When they leave things around the house or on the floor I can simply pick up the clutter and put it into their bins rather than having to worry about putting away and organizing everything for everyone. Sometimes there are easier solutions to the things that are stressing us out then we currently see. Getting rid of physical mess, dirt, and muck can often result in a more clear mindspace.
Life for moms can be so damn stressful sometimes. We have so many expectations for ourselves paired with societal pressure to maintain our homes clean and attractive, our husbands happy, and our children thriving. I often just give myself the scraps of attention and energy that I have left over after an entire day of giving time, attention, physicality, and effort to everyone else. When you mix that state of existence with mental illness it can feel impossible. Life can simply feel impossible and not worth the pain and hardship. The suggestions I’ve included in this article are certainly not a “cure-all”. They will not cure you of your anxiety or depression but they will aid in controlling and maintaining it. They are little ways that you can support yourself as you support the people you love because you are worth it too! You are more than deserving of having a well-kept home, body, and mental space in which to reside. You deserve to feel good. You deserve pleasure and peace. I hope that this article gave you some ideas of how to move towards a more supported, manageable, and positive life.